14th August 2010
My husband picked up his sister from the airport. Only for me to end up in a thunderous mood because of her lack of thought. I have no secrets I do not like the women or trust her.
She barged into the bedroom without knocking or consideration that I was still getting dressed. I was livid and responded calmly with the words. “Excuses me do you mind!” She said, “What is the problem? It is nothing we have not seen before.” The way she said it was as if she got pleasure out of my discomfort. My reply was, “ Well you don’t want your son seeing!”
While she lived under my roof all she did was complain about the lack of privacy and her son seeing me in my underwear. Now to some it is a valid point, but it is my home and my underwear is more like a bikini. Not some transparent see threw lacy contraption. Yet when she opened my bedroom door I was topless. So her argument there and then is dissolved. Her son could clearly see me topless which has never happened.
So her morbid sense of fun sent her on a mission to prove a point, but what point. That his aunty was disfigured and not so perfect any more.
Yes, I have shown others my war wounds, but that was by my choice and they did not impose themselves on me.
Yes, I should of kicked her out of the house, but I have given up on that battle.
She left me to lick my wounds in my bedroom like she had scored some vendetta she had against me. But thankfully I am made of sterner stuff than to allow her to think she had hurt me in anyway. I took a deep breath and went into acting mode.
Once I had dressed I sat in the living room chatting any old nonsense. Then to put her back in her place I said, “You may see me in my underwear anyway because I have been invited to appear in a calendar for women who have gone through breast cancer. It is amazing what some of these women have had to endure.” I was defiant and smug.
Then her reply hit me hard and she knew it. “Some men can’t tolerate implants. I know a few myself.” Then to soften the impact she said, “I know of a women who had implants to enlarge her breasts.” Then she took a breath. “But still some men don’t like them.” She had to repeat the fact she had put across.
So was it a subtle hint on my husbands’ behalf? Or just a cruel blow below the belt?
Why say something twice unless you are trying to weaken someone. The women knows I have questioned his fidelity within our marriage. She knows about the note left in his laptop bag.
I and her brother barely make love anymore. Our relationship has become a mutual friendship because of our daughter. When talking he emphasis that I am Sophia’s mother. Not that we are a partnership or a couple. It has become an existence or tolerance to be around each other. I so want it to be how it use to be, but there is no turning back the clock. It takes two people to make a change in a relationship not one.
My husband is going from room to room and appears not to of heard his sisters comments.
Her callous talk hurt like hell, but still I thought nope you’re not going to beat me. Again I pretended not to take offence and showed nothing but excitement for what I am trying to achieve both in work and the calendar.
If it had been any of the BC ladies I speak to they would of responded differently I know. I put a question up on my FB page asking exactly that knowing my husband could read it.
The response was nothing but anger at such a comment. I hope my husband takes pleasure in reading them. You just never know he may develop a back bone and sort his sister out, but then again he may think it was not meant in malice.
I went to my GP today also and I must admit I put my case over quite well. My issue with the right breast is still giving me problems. So after the discussion I had with the breast care nurse a month back. I had him check me out and put me on a course of anti biotic.
The conversation we had was interesting, but revealing. The impression he gave me was I was panicking over nothing, but he understood why I was being so vigil. I was told to take painkillers on the night before going to bed. That way the pain would not bother me and one day I will realise the pain has gone all together.
My reply was direct and straight forward. I understood what he was trying to say, but what if the pain killers are masking a real problem? So much so it is being ignored and not treated. All relevant tests have been done to rule out certain things. All I want is the pain issue solved. Not to pop pills like they are smarties.
To me it is like having a tooth ache. Just because you take painkillers does not mean you have cured it.
He checked all relevant correspondence between the clinics and said I should just do as he suggested and see how I get on.
This is the same GP that misdiagnosed me back in August 2009. You can understand why I have little faith in the NHS, but I shall give it a try.
Letter I received from Hospital today:
Dear Dr S
RE: MENDOZA, Sarah DoB: **/**/**** Sex: F NHS No: **********
18 **** **** Road, Northolt, Middlesex. *** ***
Diagnosis: Widespread high grade DCIS left breast with micro invasion in August 2009
Treatment: Left Mastectomy and reconstruction in October 2009
She still complains of milky right nipple discharge which has now turned brownish in colour. She is also getting significant burning and shooting pain in the right breast.
Clinical examination today revealed no signs of local or regional reoccurrence of her left breast cancer. There was a multi duct right nipple discharge. There was no axillary lymphadenopathy she had an ultrasound scan of right breast in February this year which revealed slightly prominent milk ducts. There were no suspicious solid lesions. Her brain MRI revealed no abnormality of the pituitary area.
A sample of the right nipple discharge has been sent for cytology. Some blood tests have also been requested. We will also discuss the case in our MDT meeting and we will keep you up to date with any further developments.
Kind regards
Yours sincerely
Mr N
Registrar – Breast & General Surgery
It took until today to receive this letter in the post. The facts are, I chased the hospital down two months ago to get my results and they are not even in this letter.
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar