Realism Or Lie!

3^rd May 2010

Steve informed me that the footy boy’s are coming round for a lime. (Lime = Social gathering.) It was alright and a quiet affair, but the conversation turned to me.

“Steve says he can’t go to footy practice.” I turn to Steve and think where the hell have you been going. My reply to the boys’ was, “I have not stopped Steve from doing nothing.” Steve kept saying, “There joking!”

“I let you know he is a sexist” I start to rant. “He believes a women should be told.” They all start to laugh not knowing if I was joking because flippancy had set in. My mind was on other things like getting answers, but this was not the time or place. Why is it when you have friends they can drop you in it without realising? I continue to rip into my husband. “I shall give you an example shall I.” I look at Steve. “ This man got irate when a women on television asked her boyfriend to meet her parents. Turns out there was a footy match that day. Steve said, ‘How dare she ask him when he had planned to watch a match!’ But I guarantee If the women had plans she would have had to drop them for him.”

Steve continued to mutter they are joking and then started to explain himself to the boys’. I felt like the joke was on me because if Steve was not at football practice where was he? I start to believe the man is being straight with me. Then the glass bubble gets a smashed and I am left picking up the pieces. We drop the subject like a hot brick and then I am asked about my breast cancer.

“Well you are cured now.” said one of the boys’.

“Who told you that?” I ask. “There is no cure for breast cancer just preventive surgical methods and drugs. It could come back tomorrow because there is nothing stopping it.” The room goes quiet. “For now what they have done is keeping it at bay, but who knows all I can do is get on with life.” Steve is shaking his head at the side of me and people are watching on at his response. He is showing his true colours and he does not even know it. If he held my hand it would of been a positive to the conversation, but to shake your head is not good. It is his signal to stop the conversation and move on, but why? The man asked the question and I was going to educate him. His wife sat there silently listening to me talk.

“I admire the fact you are remaining positive.” Was her answer.

“I have no choice it may look bleak with my replies, but I am not going to kid myself about my situation.” I reply.

We end the conversation and talk about something else i.e. Football.

Once everyone had left Steve did not tell me I was in the wrong. That it was suppose to be a lime not a lets feel sorry for Sarah session. The thing is they asked me and I replied. At least the boys’ are educated in breast cancer and what to look for now. 

My right breast is throbbing more and more. I know I should get in touch with my breast care nurse, but my appointment is next month to be checked. They make you feel like the symptom is not real. Searching for something that really isn’t there in their eye. I have tried to tell the breast care nurse and my oncologist, but they are not listening.

I am now a part of a Breast cancer community on FB. When we are p***ed off with the day’s events we make it clear. I feel like an outsider because the girls are on chemo and radio therapy. If I grumble it seems like nothing compared to their day. They don’t feel that way though cancer is cancer. I was just lucky enough to catch it before it went further. My concerns for my right breast are justified though. They are a excellent bunch of brave women to me admired.

I received a text from my aunty the hospital have decided not to do any further tests.

I am happy for her, but feel upset at the same time. Why couldn’t of I been considered low risk? Why did I get this diseases? It means I am the runt of the litter.