Yes! I Am Depressed

I had an appointment with my nurse at my GP clinic today. Being a diabetic means they monitor me closely. Especially when it comes to bouts of depression which you are prone to. My visit was to have my dressing checked from the biopsy on my right breast, but other issues flashed up on her screen. I needed to have my bloods and urine checked. I call it my MOT, but questions had to be asked too. When I mentioned on fasting my sugar was 7.9 before surgery. She said I may have to think about going on medication now. I have been type two diabetic since 1996, but they do say I had the condition when I was nineteen. It just got over looked for whatever reason.

The thought of having to take pills I hate. I’m not the most obedient patient when it comes to meds. I only took the medication the hospital gave me for a few days, but I have no pain.

She was concerned that I maybe depressed. She questioned my sleeping pattern and if it was Ok. The truth is I spend most my daytime sleeping. I can’t face the house or the work involved. I sit up most the night listening to Steve tap on computer keys. I think about who he is talking too and do they know about me?

We have not had sex in five months now. When I try to get close he says he has a headache. There is little comfort in the words that pass between our lips. It is like living in a silent hell without the flames and screaming.

What happened to the laughter? We do not laugh anymore. I can't remember when we last fell into each others arms laughing. I sit on one end of the settee and he the other. When we are in bed it is the same. If I move he strokes me not realising I'm still awake, but as quick has he places his hand he moves it.

I smile as I pass him in the kitchen hoping he would reassure me. My body craves comfort and support from one person, but he is too busy to even notice. It is only a matter of time before I crack. I can’t take the silence much longer.

So am I depressed? Well of course! I reply to my nurse, but wouldn’t you be.

I leave the surgery with a false smile, but that is the best way to behave. Why make others feel the solution to my situation is in a bottle of pills.