Protect The Innocent

After dropping Sophia off at school I met up with a friend. We went for a nosey round the shops and bought a couple of things, but the highlight of our day was a few hours of peace and quiet. We got chatting about the latest bits on the news and we stroked across the subject of the laws of sex offenders being changed. I explained my view on the whole situation.

A sexual predator is someone who has no sense of wrong. He/she is very much in control of their actions and is very good at covering their tracks. I was the victim of abuse at the tender age of thirteen. And no matter how much you try to switch off there is always something that makes you stand to attention. The laws are protecting the abuser not the victim and these laws need reviewing.

This is a section from my diary back in September 1996  

The dream is still so clear; I’m walking down a long tunnel. I can feel that I’m being followed, eyes watching me in the darkness. In the distance I can see a light. I walk towards the light into a room. I can hear people laughing. Then the room turns into an old barn. I see him standing there holding out his hand. He smiles at me beckoning me to follow him. I turn away from him, but no-one is there to help me. I’m lonely so lonely. I begin to cry and no-one is there to see my tears. He holds his hand out one more time his face is ugly and twisted. I move away from him and the ground opens up and I see him fall, but it’s like watching it frame by frame. I’m stood looking on as he falls. I try to scream out and begin to run banging at doors that seem to appear in front of me. As I get threw one set of doors another appears. I can feel myself fighting to leave the dream. Then I gradually wake up with the relief of knowing that I’m safe.

Again I sit up in my bed looking out of my window. Looking into the darkness that is fading with every minute that passes by thinking about the dream I’ve just had. My heart is still beating strong against my ribs. Beads of sweat roll down my chest. I shake with the memories of what I could have done.

How can someone have so much control after so long? Why is the fear still there? Is this the torment I have to suffer for wanting revenge?

A child’s heart is so pure, but very easily broken. A single tear trickles down my cheek. I climb out of bed still looking out of my bedroom window its getting light now. The darkness is fading as the sun rises peeks threw the hazy clouds. I welcome the sun, as a child welcomes a mothers open arms.

I check on my daughter as she sleeps, and think what would I do if it happened to her? To be violated, her innocence destroyed, to look at men with no trust in her eyes. She looks so peaceful in her sleep. So unaware of the dangers in life she may face. Deep down I know what I would do and no-one would stop me from doing it. The anger in my soul is still fresh, as fresh as the day he placed it in me.

Maybe it is because I am content and finally feel comfortable that I can show people these words. But it has taken its toll to do so. It can never change my memories or make me forget, but I want people to know I am not a victim. I am a survivor, and survivors deserve justice, justice of knowing that these people do not get a chance to harm the innocent again. To know these people rely on others high up, and that the law allows them to roam. After all the law does state their freedom cannot be destroyed. Yet a child’s life is not valued in the same way makes me ask the question;

What does the system and its law stands for?

We read constantly about people that have been abused. Yet the law protects the accused. They do not deal with the fear and the lifelong nightmares we suffer. When we walk down a street and see the abuser we run for the nearest alley to hide. Our hearts beating with a mixture of anger and fear we watch our abuser pass us by with no justice to be served. Yet we live in fear of our dreams and actions. People cannot understand our pain they hang their heads in shame. Pretending it will go away, but you cannot hide from the dark truth.

You cannot convert someone from an abuser into a normal citizen it is an addiction that will always be there. Like a predator that gets a taste for human blood for the first time. The thirst that they crave will never fade away. Never mind saying these are victims of the very laws that curb their actions. They plan their attacks and wait for someone who appears weak or troubled. Knowing they are easy prey makes it more of a thrill maybe, but they do know their secret is safe. Who would want to believe a child that has been put in care because she or he has lied constantly or been in trouble with the police for various reasons? Maybe he or she has caused no end of problems at home. These abusers look for excuses for their behaviour and we as a society fuel their excuses. We give them the opportunity to harm; we give them the passport to do as they please.