4th November 2010
Finally the test results have come back, but not how I wanted it. There is a question to whether the sample was taken from the right area of the breast. Not only that but there was no calcification in the samples taken. The thought of going threw another biopsy is not what I want playing on my mind. Also the MDT has not seen the results to make a judgement yet. Everything seems to be at a snails’ pace at the moment. It will be another week before a decision is made. The BC nurse could say no more on the results except that the biopsies that were taken are clear just fibrous tissue. Which is why it may need repeating.
Why do we have to go through all this upset and pain? The fact I have calcification says that something is happening. How long do I wait before they finally decide more has to be done? I stand by the fact unnecessary surgery should not be done. That having healthy breasts removed does not give a solution, but my breast has had enough and so have I. The thought of the next four years and that breast being prodded and poked annoys me.
Now the only company I have is my four walls and the mental torture this diseases creates. At least with the costumes it shielded me from the reality of the diseases.
Received a phone call from a family friend who did not know I had breast cancer. So much to looking for sympathy I say to myself. She had read the article in the local free press paper and was shocked. We had a short chat about it all and she said I sounded really positive. The word POSITIVE is used a lot. Even I am tired of using it for my excuse for a no tear approach. If anything I am defiant to this disease and the questions it brings forth. I will not be bullied by ME! into submission.
This week I watched my youngest daughter blow out her birthday candles. I can finally sit back and smile. Smile at the fact that I am around to see her blow out the candles. Smile at the fact that I know that doors are waiting to be opened. But most of all smile at all I have achieved because no decision was a incorrect one.
It has been a week of strength and pride without a doubt. Despite my confident attitude I still have niggles of uncertainty. Who wouldn’t when people knock you back when you least expect it.
The hospital are not keen to let me slip through the net. They are going to insert a wire in my right breast. The procedure called a wire localisation will hopefully remove the calcification. They will not touch my breast just yet though because of threat of a hematoma. My breast needs time to heal from the biopsy before. The only good bit about this whole mess is I’ll be asleep through the biopsy this time. The whole operation and checks will be discussed on the 24th November.
I am planning to climb Ben Nevis with Karen. (Miss February 2011). She has been to hell and back and still won’t let this diseases defeat her. Her breast cancer has spread to her bones and the drugs are the only thing controlling it.
We intend on climbing Ben Nevis to raise cash for a cancer charity. It is still early days and we plan to do the fund raiser in July/August. I’m already looking into buying my hiking boots and kit to do it. So my next goal is set and ready to achieve.
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